The Best of Strange Thinking
It's pecan Harvesting time around here and I have about a million nuts to pick up off the ground so I decided to share one of my favorites!
Those of you who've followed my stories all these years already know this, but for some of the folks who have recently begun following along, you may not know who I used to be. Well no, I figure you really don't care and no, I never was somebody famous. But up until a couple of years ago, I was the one your husband always wished he could be...secretly, of course. I was a legend around these parts, a Saturday night cowboy who lit up the faces of thousands of single women over the course of several years worth of Saturday nights. I'm not embellishing one bit when I tell you I've held thousands of women in my arms out there on the dance floor. Quite a number of them fell in love with me and I fell in love with them all. That was my problem...I never could bring myself to let go of all those women to love just one. Looking back, I figure it was mainly because out of all those women, I hadn't met the right one. I suppose I'd still be out there searching for the perfect woman at this moment if things hadn't turned out the way they did.
It was the prophet princess who warned me of a change in my life. She was by far prettier than all the women I'd met along the way, and in the course of a conversation one night, I mentioned that I couldn't understand how, out of all the women I'd met, I'd not found one who was a keeper. That's when she took my hand and stared at me with her sky blue eyes and said,
"God has something He needs you to do first."
I spent a full two years wondering and waiting for God to tell me what I needed to do, and in the process I found myself letting go of the life I had been living. I started venturing into the church building on Sunday morning, something I'd not done in all my adult life. I gave up the bar on Saturday night, didn't even have a single beer in the fridge, and I quit smoking. I curtailed my cussing and read my Bible. As time passed, I began to realize I was not the man I used to be...and still, I waited.
And one day the wait was over. The Good Lord gave me my biggest assignment. There never has nor ever will be another of this magnitude...the biggest blessing of my lifetime. It was that day the winds of fate changed me from an ex-Saturday night woman chasing cowboy into a full-time single parent. That same fate brought a fifteen-year-old girl, who had only known her daddy on a part-time basis, into his home to live. And life has not been the same since that day!
I hear these comments all the time, "She's a single mother...I just don't know how she does it!" Well, I have the answer...A) She's a mother and B) She's a woman! I would never make light of any single mother's challenges, but dammit...try doing all this when you're a man! I'll be the first to confess we aren't built for this! No longer can I just nuke a chunk of smoked sausage in the microwave and call it supper. I have to cook! Laundry is no longer two small loads on a Saturday morning...it's two hefty loads every night! Things constantly disappear, like nail clippers and tweezers...and my money. I have to be social, no not at the bar...at volleyball games with all the other moms, married I must add. I fold clothes that I can't identify, scrub mascara out of the sink, and dump unknown items from the bathroom trash. I receive phone calls and texts from teachers and school nurses. I bake brownies and host sleepovers. I wash pots and pans then wash them again because they don't look clean enough...I never used to do that.
But the hardest part of this full-time dad thing is...I do it all alone. There is no one to turn to for advice, to discuss my child's best interests. I find myself afraid sometimes, afraid I will fail her. And this I know...what's hard for me is even harder for her. A girl needs a mom and as hard as I try to be, I can't be a mom.
So I have this great idea and I just may make millions on it. Rent-A-Mom! Without even stressing my brain I can think of at least four other men who are raising their kids alone. I'm sure there are thousands more. I think I will pop an ad on Craigslist and see what turns up. Just fold the laundry, cook some supper, wash the dishes, and braid my little girl's hair...then go home! Unless she's really cute. No, scratch that. But if the Rent-A Mom works out, I'm going to franchise!