'Size Does Matter'

15 October, 2017rodster385Comments (0)


Caution:  This article contains sexually suggestive material.  Continued from last week's story 'Dirty Dancing'

She answered the door wearing a black sports bra, a pair of really short red shorts, and a red Texas Tech ball cap perched on her blonde head.
"Hiiieee! Oh, Rusty, I am so excited you're here! I've been cooking a Yankee pot roast all day..."
Jenny paused to catch a breath and then spontaneously grabbed my shirt, pulling me into her puckered lips. Her tongue tickled the roof of my mouth as she moaned, finally breaking away, throwing her head back as she uttered an almost inaudible groan.
"Ever since last night I've been so worked up! You really know how to ring a girl's bell, cowboy!"
"I had a super time dancing with you last night, Jenny. It was...you know...wow!"
She giggled as she took my hand and led me into the living room.
"Supper will be awhile. Texas Tech is playing Oklahoma. You sit down and watch the game and I'll get us a beer."
My eyes darted around the large living room, stylishly decorated. An overstuffed leather couch sat in the center of the room facing the largest television I'd ever seen. As Jenny trotted off toward the kitchen, I quickly became engrossed in the football game.
I was vaguely aware she had entered the room as the Red Raiders made their third touchdown. Her arm appeared from behind me, a cold beer in her hand. I took the beer without taking my eyes off the TV, and then a leg swung over the back or the couch, and just as Oklahoma began a fifty-yard run, she plopped down hard in my lap.
"Hey, I can't see the game," I protested as my eyes focused on the two things blocking my view. My heart rate kicked into overdrive as I realized Jenny was totally naked.
"You just peek over my shoulder at that TV while I give you a lap dance, cowboy."
Well, it wasn't that great of a game anyway and within minutes we found ourselves in her bedroom, then under the sheets, then on top of the sheets, then sheets in the floor. Grabbing, groping, pinching, ouch...biting...okay, enough of that. Down to business.
When it comes to that point, we men are on a mission. Women may think we only operate with a small part of our body, but us guys are all aware that from this point forward our entire body must work as a team to succeed in our mission. So, that moment had arrived...it was time 'TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE...well, this guy had never gone before.
(Star Trek theme plays briefly)
Captain Kirk: "Mr. Sulu, take us into the black hole."
Sulu: "Aye, Captain...entering now."
Spock: "Captain, our sensors indicate we have entered a black hole of far greater dimensions than has ever been discovered."
Kirk: "Proceed with caution Mr. Sulu. It is our mission to discover new galaxies."
Spock: "Captain, sensors show no end to this hole, furthermore they are unable to detect the sides of the black hole. This is, without a doubt, the largest black hole in the universe."
Captain: "Scottie, ahead full thrust."
Scottie: "Aye, captain, but we are unable to make any headway."
Spock: "Captain, sensors have discovered debris ahead. Our database shows it to be a 1969 Ford Mustang...there are human remains inside."
Kirk: "Scottie, take us to warp speed."
Scottie: "She's givin' us all she's got, captain...we're losin' power fast!"
Kirk: "Sulu, fire photon torpedoes dead ahead."
Sulu: "Captain, unable to fire torpedoes...we've lost power."
Spock: "Captain, it is illogical to proceed...we must abort the mission."
Scottie: "Captain, we're breakin' up!"
Kirk: "Beam me up, Scottie...!"
(The next day)
I grumbled as I popped the trigger of the gas nozzle, "I never can stop on twenty even!"
Trudging across the parking lot toward the convenience store, my troubled mind continued to thrash the events of the night before as it had all day. A bell jingled as I entered the store and my eyes locked on a fine hiney that could only belong to Jacy Marrow. She turned her head toward me, her blonde ponytail almost swishing, as she paused her chore of shining the chrome on the burrito warmer. A look of disgust came into her eyes.
"Well, how was it?"
"How was what?" I responded with irritation. All I wanted was a Dr. Pepper, not the third degree from Jacy.
"How was last night? You know, the sex."
"Annoyed, I grunted, "It's none of your business. What makes you think I had sex?"
She stepped toward me, pushing my hat back.
"Because it's written all over your forehead," her finger poking my forehead, "it says, 'I had sex last night..."
She squinted her eyes and drew her face closer, her nose almost touching mine.
"...'with some tramp named'...what's her name? It's smudged." Her fingernail raked across my forehead as she pulled herself away, "So...how was it?"
I sighed heavily and looked down at the floor, "Worst I ever had, actually."
A gleam came into her eyes, "Well Rusty, men your age often experience premature ejact..."
"That's not it!" I loudly protested, clenching my teeth.
"You didn't ring her bell," she nodded to reaffirm her statement, "I've often wondered that if you and I ever do date, if that could...well, regardless of what they say, size does matter.
I felt the blood boil into my eyeballs."
Just as I opened my mouth, an elderly woman entered the store. I bit my lip and pulled Jacy's face against my cheek, whispering in her ear. She pulled away, wide-eyed.
"You mean they're not all the same?" she stammered.
I shook my head like a wet dog.
"Oh my," she held her hand against her chest, "I never knew. Like I need something else to add to my list of insecurities."
"Miss, I'm ready to pay for my milk!" The old lady tapped her cane impatiently.
I stood behind the woman and as she turned and headed for the door, I pointed to the soda machine.
"I just need a Dr. Pepper."
Okay, what size?" Jacy struggled to focus, still reeling from her new found knowledge.
"Small." I retorted, squinting my eyes.
"Sure you don't want a large?"
"Small! I like them small! Give me two of 'em!"

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